Longings Left Unsaid
by Sailor Panda
Summary: In the days following the events of Battle City, Anzu aka Tea struggles with her feelings for Ryou Bakura or, to be more precise, his Yami...but what if she's not the only one struggling?
1. Uncontrollable Thoughts

AN: Well, I revised this and fixed some spelling errors I caught in the last version so if you read this before, please have another go at it. I added on here and there with the suggestion by x20Deepx to play up the angst a little more which was an idea I liked and so I did.  
  
And the positive comments I received - thanks, everyone! =) - inspired me to write another chapter (which I'm currently working on) so this will be a two part fic. I hope to have the second part out soon. =)  
  
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"Bye, guys!" Anzu said cheerily.  
  
Smiling, she waved good-bye to the cluster of her friends before she followed the other students eagerly exiting the classroom at the end of the school day. And when she was gone, it was Yugi who turned to the others with a worried frown upon his face.  
  
"What do you think is wrong?" he asked his friends.  
  
Honda and Jounouchi exchanged confused glances.  
  
"What do you mean?" Jounouchi asked. "Wrong with what?"  
  
"Anzu," replied Yugi. "Don't you think she's been acting a little strange lately?"  
  
"I don't know." Honda scratched his head. "She seems her usual cheerful self to me."  
  
"Yeah, me too," commented Jounouchi. Then he shuddered. "Although maybe a little more cheerful than normal because it's really starting to get on my nerves."  
  
"But that's just it!" Yugi exclaimed. "She's more cheerful than she ordinarily is. Something must be wrong."  
  
"Just because she's a little happier than usual?" Jounouchi looked skeptical. "You're reading way too much into it."  
  
"Yeah," added Honda. "Besides, I think we all have a right to be happier than usual after Battle City."  
  
"No kidding!" Jounouchi let out a relieved sigh. "Man, am I glad that's over!"  
  
"Maybe so." Yugi still looked worried. "But, still, don't you think Anzu's been acting differently ever since then?"  
  
"I wouldn't worry about it," Jounouchi said confidently. "It's probably nothing."  
  
"I think you're letting your imagination run away with you," added Honda. "Even if she is acting a bit differently, she's entitled to it. After everything that happened to her in Battle City, it's probably just the aftereffects. I'm sure it'll all blow over in no time."  
  
Yugi glanced back and forth between his friends who both had similar 'there's nothing to worry about' expressions. They had such confidence in their conviction that Yugi couldn't help but relax his fears. Still, he couldn't help but cast another last anxious glance at the doorway to the classroom where he'd last seen Anzu before she'd disappeared.  
  
"I hope you're right," he said with a sigh. "I really do."  
  
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Outside, Anzu sighed, relieved to be out from under the watchful eyes of her friends - especially Yugi who had always been the most perceptive of their group when it came to pinpointing her feelings and moods. Though she felt guilty for thinking like that, and for avoiding her friends like she'd been doing lately, she couldn't help it. She hoped they bought into her attempts to act as she usually did because she didn't want to answer any questions concerning the source of any odd behavior. No doubt, if they knew of what was bothering her they would either pity her or think she was insane - or think it was a betrayal. Aside from perhaps Yugi, she had little hope that they'd be sympathetic and understanding if she told them what was preoccupying her these days.  
  
How could they?  
  
She didn't even completely understand it herself.  
  
But whether she understood it or not, that didn't change the way things were. She'd already done everything she could think of that was within reason to get herself to stop but it was impossible as all her efforts had failed.  
  
She couldn't stop thinking about him.  
  
Ryou Bakura.  
  
No, to be honest it wasn't exactly him that she thought of - it was his yami.  
  
Somehow, that was even worse.  
  
She'd figured the soft-spoken and kind Bakura to be more of her sort of ideal guy though she did wish at times that he'd show a little more backbone. She'd certainly never thought of herself to be the type of girl to be attracted to guys with a larger than normal streak of darkness but apparently she didn't know herself as well as she'd believed. Why else couldn't she get her mind off of Bakura's darker counterpart when common sense dictated she shouldn't be quite so attached to him?  
  
She blamed the ring.  
  
If Millennium items were the power sources of the yami, then Anzu figured that something must have happened to connect her to Bakura's darker part when she'd touched his ring. She certainly hoped that was the case because imagining that she had these feelings for the yami on her own was just too much to contemplate.  
  
She sighed, knowing there was nothing she could do about it now anyway except hope that the effects would fade away. It's not as if she could change the past and erase that moment when she'd taken the ring for temporary safekeeping. She'd been more worried about Bakura when he'd collapsed after his yami had been defeated in the duel with Yugi at Battle City. Concerned as his unconscious body had been taken to the infirmary, she took temporary possession of the Millennium ring simply because she'd only been thinking about how important it was to him, never imagining any other consequences it could have to her.  
  
But when she'd touched the ring, she'd felt something pass through her, some sort of sizzling connection so brief that she thought afterwards that it must have been just her imagination.  
  
She'd felt connected to Bakura's yami.  
  
It had been a terrifying experience, a dark swirling mass of emotions that had flooded through her in mere moments and words alone were impossible to describe it. And when it had receded, she'd felt immensely relieved.  
  
But she'd also felt a keen sense of loss.  
  
And a longing to have it back.  
  
It was worse now, perhaps because of the lingering worry in her mind that the former tomb raider was really gone like Malik had during his duel with Yugi where he'd revealed himself to be in possession of Bakura's Millennium ring and to have destroyed its yami.  
  
She simply couldn't believe he was gone.  
  
No, she didn't want to believe it.  
  
Right or wrong, she wanted to see him again. Though she knew the dark spirit of the Millennium ring had little interest in her - how could he possibly? - she didn't care. She just wanted some reassurance that he still existed.  
  
Was this love?  
  
Was that what this feeling was - this intense craving to see him again?  
  
She just didn't know.  
  
It was frightening, this feeling and how badly she wanted to see him again. She felt almost consumed by this strange dark obsession that possessed her without any logical reason that she could see.  
  
Was love supposed to be this scary?  
  
She'd had crushes before, she remembered them fondly, but the feelings those generated seemed to pale in intensity compared to what she was feeling now for someone she had no business thinking about like this.  
  
Then she had her most terrifying thought.  
  
What if this was the real thing?  
  
It was heartbreaking to think that she might truly be in love with someone so improbable - an evil spirit tainted with darkness and tied to an ancient Millennium item cloaked in mystery. And it made her fearful and immensely guilty that she might feel this way for someone who had been a part of wringing such pain and fear and doubt amongst her friends which had, in turn, hurt her as she watched them struggling with the trials put before them. Though they had emerged the victor in the end, that didn't erase the suffering they experienced.  
  
She used to think better of herself than to imagine that she could be so disloyal to her friends by holding such affection for someone who had brought such torment into their lives. Truly, that she could feel this way for a yami who even went so far as to deliberately bring injury to his own hikari - it made her certain that there was something seriously wrong with her.  
  
Poor Bakura.  
  
He was gentle, sweet, and kind - qualities any girl in her right mind would look for in a potential boyfriend and Anzu did respect those traits within him. He was the perfect gentleman and the complete opposite of his inconsiderate counterpart and deserved better than being tied to such a sadistic yami. However, she had to admit a spark of admiration when she realized that he might not be a weak as she'd first thought if he had survived being so closely tied with the dark spirit with his sanity intact.  
  
Surely, being possessed by an evil spirit wasn't for the fainthearted, right?  
  
Even so, she thought he could have done a better job of standing up to the yami as Yugi had done with his on a few occasions. And it makes me compare the two, Yugi's relationship with his yami and Bakura with his. Yugi's seems more balanced, but if a yami's power is made greater with the weakness in his host's heart, perhaps it's because Yugi has such a strong one that shines when it counts that prevents the dark spirit from completely taking over the way Bakura's yami had done to him.  
  
Was it because Bakura's will was so much weaker than Yugi's that enabled the evil spirit to have such total control over him to the point where he couldn't even remember the time he was taken over?  
  
No, she didn't think so.  
  
When she thought harder about it, that couldn't be because that theory didn't explain the power balance between Malik and his yami. If the spirit of the Millennium item was the dark counterpart of host, then why did Malik seem so similar to his yami, much more so than Yugi and Bakura to theirs?  
  
No, it seemed that all of the yami had characteristics that individualized them beyond the fact that they bore the same appearances as their hosts.  
  
And her reflections made her realize something else.  
  
She was even more confused than she was before.  
  
She could turn the matter over in her mind however many times she chose to but she was always left with the same unanswered questions. And they would probably remain that way until she got a fresh perspective on it. Only thing was, since she didn't want to talk about it with her friends and face their reactions that she was sure would be mostly negative, it left her pretty much at an impasse and the biggest question of all still glaring at her with its nerve-wracking implications.  
  
Did she love Bakura's yami or not?  
  
She rubbed at the building ache gathering in her forehead and fervently wished for one moment that Bakura and his yami would just combine completely without the split personality and create one well-balanced individual that was neither too easily taken advantage of nor too heartlessly power-hungry.  
  
Then she felt guilty, thinking it wasn't fair of her to wish more of the darker aspects of the yami who had tormented him upon Bakura who had been put through enough as it was. Truthfully, if she hadn't been having so much contact with different types of yami lately and life for all of them really were a typical high schooler's, she probably would have thought Bakura just fine the way he was.  
  
An idea suddenly popped into her head.  
  
What if this fixation on the Millennium ring's yami was a form of subconscious cover for some hidden feelings she was harboring for Bakura?  
  
It made her headache worse.  
  
Threatened with the very real possibility that she'd go insane even when she had no personal yami of her own to perform the deed, she thought it best to retire from these fruitless wanderings of her mind. It's not as if she ever got anywhere with them and, besides, what could she do?  
  
She'd heard that a person couldn't choose whom she loved. It simply happened. And she still wasn't certain that this, whatever it was, was truly it. Just thinking about it wasn't helping. Perhaps if she saw him again, then she could make sense of her turbulent emotions though she had no idea what she'd do if it turned out that she really was in love with the yami.  
  
But what if he were really gone?  
  
What if she never saw him again?  
  
Those questions brought fresh pain to her heart, even worse than the thought that she might be in love with the evil spirit. To be in a hopeless love, somehow she felt that would be better than thinking him forever gone to someplace from which he would never return from.  
  
She took a deep cleansing breath, held it a moment then let it out.  
  
Her usual optimism returned to her and she allowed a small smile to curve her lips with the belief that, one day, the dark spirit of the Millennium ring would return and she would be able to settle the wavering feelings in her heart. Some tiny voice within her told her that he was too difficult to be gotten rid of that easily, even by Malik, and she took comfort in the reassurance however right or wrong it was.  
  
Though she had no idea what she'd do or say when she saw him again, for now, that didn't matter. At the moment, all she could think was that to see him would be enough.  
  
And he would appear again one day. She was sure of it.  
  
She would see him again.  
  
Someday.  
  
She just hoped that 'someday' was soon. 


	2. Deciding Desires

AN: Here it is - the final installment! Though it might not be the end, however, since I'm toying with the idea of starting another fic with this series serving as a kind of prelude to it. Which is why this ends the way it does on a cliffhanger. I seem to be notorious for those, but I just can't seem to stop. =p  
  
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A hot wind blew, shifting the grains of the sandy Egyptian landscape that stretched on as far as the eye could see while the sun's rays beat down with a burning fury in the sweltering heat, as if trying to release as much of its blistering touch upon the inhabitants of the land below before it sank and set completely beneath the distant horizon. It was punishing weather that had most living beings dwelling in shadier shelters from the heat until the cooler night fell upon the land, but one figure was unmindful of it as he laid low on a barren incline overlooking the encampment below.  
  
As he spied upon the sluggish activities of the archeological crew below him, waiting for night to fall, the lengthy wait gave his mind free time to wander. And as it did, his thoughts inevitably turned to a place best left untouched and that he heartily wished they would stop going to.  
  
That girl.  
  
That blasted annoying girl.  
  
Such a useless person she was; an insignificant speck that merely tagged along the fringes of the other followers trailing behind that cursed pharaoh - that bastard who had ruined his plans! - and wasn't worth even a second of his time. And if there was a tiny voice whispering in his mind that he was wrong, he was quick to squash it, tucking and locking it away where he was certain it would never bother him again.  
  
So then, why was he still thinking about her?  
  
He didn't understand it at all.  
  
It was ridiculous.  
  
He was ancient - what use had he in mortal girl who, compared to him, was but a mere child? She was his complete opposite - an innocent, brimming with optimism and a firm belief in friendship where he had little regard for either of those qualities.  
  
She represented all that he was disgusted with, sided with those he detested, and he despised the very thought of her.  
  
Why was it then that he had this desire to see her?  
  
He gritted his teeth against an irritated snarl at the turn of his thoughts, cursing his damned hikari for getting him into this predicament. It just had to be his fault; that damnably spineless weakling who wasn't good for anything other than providing a solid vessel for him to walk around in. That good-for-nothing hikari of his was a damned nuisance he wished he could eradicate once and for all so that he'd stop being plagued with the cursed thoughts that kept coming back to haunt him, thoughts that he could only have because of that idiot weakling.  
  
And if he had the briefest inkling that his line of reasoning was contrary - for how could a spineless weakling that he held in such contempt harness the strength to bother him so? - he swiped it away brutally, determined not to pay heed to it. He was a being with an existence that spanned thousands of years - of course he knew what was going on and, with his infinite wisdom, the course of his reasoning was naturally right.  
  
His hikari was deliberately planting thoughts in him as revenge for taking over his body!  
  
That worthless hikari - how dare he interfere in his mind like this?!  
  
That weak little bastard!  
  
Outrage poured through him in a seething river, washing away his reason as he forgot that he'd already sealed his hikari away. Anger flooded through him, making him clench his fists in fury, and he had half a mind to release the seal and give that cursed hikari of his a lashing that would stop short of death - because death would be too easy and he wanted that weakling to suffer much, much longer than that for plaguing him so!  
  
CLANG!  
  
He jerked, startled out of his raging and vengeful thoughts. Lifting the binoculars to his eyes, he scanned the encampment below, seeking the source of the metallic riot of noise. He found it, along with a string of curses, as a man knelt on the dry earth, turning the air blue with his vitriolic words as he retrieved the load of pots and pans he'd apparently dropped.  
  
Watching from his observation point, he smiled, knowing that the time he was waiting for had come as the light blue of the sky faded with the setting sun, signaling the falling of night.  
  
Darkness was the best time for a thief, after all.  
  
Though heat still scorched the land, he rose easily, gold glinting dimly in the falling darkness as he slid the Millennium ring deeper into his clothes, concealing the unique artifact. He arranged his hat until it rested better upon his head, tucking the distinctive white strands of his hair away, leaving him looking like all the others he had observed down below in the encampment.  
  
He was ready.  
  
It was time to begin.  
  
He cleared his mind of all the things plaguing him: the girl, his worthless hikari. He was, if nothing else, a good thief and a good thief knew better than to let distracting thoughts cloud the mind when he was on a mission. And so he descended the incline he was situated on as he headed towards the encampment, focused on the task looming ahead of him.  
  
To steal.  
  
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Attracted to a brighter than usual spot, he crept closer along the back, smirking as he noticed that the brightness was caused by light flooding out from the main tent through a rip in the fabric.  
  
Perfect.  
  
It had been easy to slip in undetected, but there were too many people around to safely enter unnoticed into any of the tents set up; each seemed to have at least several people in occupation and, considering some were visibly armed, he judged it best to not press his luck. However, the presence of armed guards was reassuring because it meant that the rumors he'd heard that had brought him here investigating were true.  
  
A valuable find had been discovered.  
  
Now, if he could only find out what that find was.  
  
Rumors had been too vague to tell him much of anything; there was only enough to prick his interest. And the fact the rumors had been lacking in detail only seemed to prove in his mind just how valuable the find was that someone was going through such pains to keep any information about it under wraps.  
  
Hearing the sounds of approaching footsteps, he froze, trying to blend into his surroundings as much as possible without attracting attention. His eyes narrowed as they saw a fat man walk by, never sparing him a second glance, as he mopped his sweaty forehead with a tattered bandana that bore a familiar blue color to his gaze.  
  
Clear, blue eyes sparkling with spirit.  
  
Silky chestnut brown hair.  
  
A warm, welcoming smile.  
  
He shook his head, trying to dispel the image that had suddenly popped into his mind. This was no time or place for such thoughts and he damned the unsettling interference. It stoked his temper as he silently cursed her, the guy with the bandana, his hikari, himself and - just for the hell of it - that damned pharaoh who was probably with her even now.  
  
He scowled at that thought as a dark rage swept over him out of nowhere and was made even worse when he realized how he was reacting and became even angrier at his own foolishness.  
  
Why, why, why did he keep thinking about her?!  
  
And why should he care if she was with the pharaoh?  
  
Filled with furious roiling and gritting his teeth against the rage, he had half a mind to return to Domino City, the place where everything had started and taken a downward turn for him, and get rid of what he thought was the source of his problem.  
  
Killing came easy to him.  
  
And if he felt a small tug deep within him, asking him if that was really what he wanted to do, he ignored it. Of course he wanted to get rid of his unwanted thoughts by any means possible. He was ruthless; what did he care about anyone else?  
  
Absolutely nothing.  
  
"Be careful with that!"  
  
The angry shout startled him out of his thoughts and he pressed his eye closer to the hole in the tent, trying to get a better look. He could make out a crate and the activities of several people placing something within it. However, his view of the objects was blocked by the large form that was standing in-between it and his direct line of vision.  
  
It was the fat man with the blue bandana.  
  
He glared at the man, watching as overweight obstruction lifted an arm to wipe his sweating brow again while he directed the proceedings. The man's voice was loud and agitated, filtering easily to his ears from his hidden position.  
  
"These items are priceless ancient artifacts," the fat man was saying anxiously. "You have to treat them with more care and respect. Gently, now. Gently!"  
  
The man reached up to swipe at his forehead again, this time shifting aside as he did and leaving the contents of the crate in full view to his eyes. The glinting of gold immediately caught his attention as he peered intently through the hole, trying to distinguish the objects within from the cushioning packaging materials surrounding them, protecting them for travel. But he managed and what he saw had his eyes widening in shock.  
  
By Ra, what was going on?!  
  
"Did you hear something?" The fat man looked around suspiciously.  
  
It made him stiffen when he realized he'd accidentally expressed his shock aloud, softly spoken but still not completely silent. His muscles tensed, ready to flee for it was obvious that the fat man was already nervous and paranoid - and he had no desire to stay for an ensuing hunt with him as the prey.  
  
But then one of the other men in the tent suggested it was probably just one of the animals coming out for a nighttime hunt and the fat man seemed to relax. He mopped his brow again with one hand while the other gestured to a few of the men who, carrying visible weapons, obviously seemed to be guards.  
  
"I'm counting on you," the fat man told them, "to guard these items with your lives. I want at least several men watching them at all hours of the day until they reach their destination safely."  
  
Silently, he cursed. To have a constant armed guard watching the items would make it difficult to get close. With enough time, he was sure he could find a way. But he had little knowledge of guns of the like that these men carried, all he had with him were knives. He hadn't expected so many people to be involved with this archeological activity but, then again, he hadn't expected such object to be at its heart either.  
  
And he had to get closer to see them.  
  
It was too dangerous in the encampment where there were so many people, especially when he noticed as he was scouting around that most of them had guns that he hadn't seen during the brief period he'd been observing from higher ground. He preferred better odds when it came to attempting a steal or even a closer look at the objects in question. It seemed his best chance would be to wait until they left and then intercept the cargo en route to its destination.  
  
Of course, that might be easier to do if he knew where that destination was.  
  
"Remember," the fat man was saying, "several men at all times until you get them to the museum in Domino City."  
  
Domino City?  
  
A minor shockwave trembled through him as the words reverberated in his head and for one breathless moment, his mind went absolutely blank. But the ability to recover quickly had always been one of his strong points and it wasn't long before his lips curled in a hard smirk.  
  
It looked like a trip to Domino City was in order. 


End file.
